How to bang Britain for dummies
by Little miss innocent liar
Summary: Everyone has known England was one of the world's oldest nations but how many people have gotten to the bed with Britannia in there arms? worldxengland fruk pruk spuk usuk canuk geruk chinauk russuk


_Summary: Everyone has known England was one of the world's oldest nations but how many people have gotten to the bed with Britannia in there arms? Well lucky for you my fellow world x UK(e) fans I have solved that problem with the help of the _**BEEP **_government. Read are tips and advice so you can know to and get that golden option to bang Britannia~ yours forever World Academy newspaper club._

Tip number 1: Be nice to him and I repeat don't make fun of his eyebrows.

Tip number 2: complement him on his appearance E.g.: your eyes put the finest jewels to shame.

Tip number 3: If you're too shy to ask him out wait until he is alone are sources say he finds this really cute but you know only have a 50 50 shot of owning the pants in bed.

Tip number 4: For Valentine's day buy him Earl grey tea

Tip number 5: If you see England crying drop everything and hug him and if he tells you to let go don't.

Tip number 6: Don't tease him you idiot.

Tip number 7: Don't and we mean it for the sake of your relationship with England don't mention _that_ war. He'll punch you in the face then kick you in the balls then run off crying and some lucky son of a gun will find him and comfort him. How we know this? Experience.

Tip number 8: If you did something to hurt England in the past go up to him with a bouquet of flowers and say you're sorry for being a jerk.

Tip number 9: If you are talking to England and your phone rings not matter who is on the other line say "Sorry _ but I'm with England right now I'll talk to you later" and hang up. Are sources say that England like to feel special to someone.

Tip number 10: Carry England's books for him and open up doors for him.

Tip number 11: When England is wherein a red tie that mean he is feeling really horny.

Tip number 12: If England is wherein a blue tie that means he is sad so comfort/compliment him you idiot.

Tip number 13: England will often play the 'what would you do' game with you that means 'I'm seeing if I'll let you fuck me to the floorboards break but If you fail then I'm going to leave you' this means England going to throw some crazy shit at you that you better be ready to dance with. Cut short it's like walking to heaven but there a mines in the ground.

Tip number 14: Help England out with his paper work.

Tip number 15: When England is wherein a red tie that means he'll only need a little push to get him in a moaning mess that will give you wet dreams for weeks.

Tip number 16: Make England cry and you will forever be labelled as 'That dickhead that made England cry' not only that but you will also get death threats written in blood.

Tip number 17: When England is talking with one of his colonies don't go up to him and ask him who the father is.

Tip number 18: Or go up to him and kiss him on the cheek saying "Hey Honey what's for dinner?" and ruffle the colonies hair saying "I slept with your mother". A guy that did this actually ended up in hospital because the real father of the colony beat the living crap out of him.

Tip number 19: England loves it when he's dominated.

Tip number 20: If you are one of the lucky nations that managed to get England knocked up and you two got divorced and blah blah blah…PAY FUCKING CHILD SUPPORT.

Tip number 21: If you knew England in his childhood then you should know what he likes, loves and hates. You can use this to you advantage.

**Ask the experts**

_I've known England since we were children but when we were teenagers we got into a lot of fights and I was usually the one sending him with his tail between his legs. I know I was a real jerk to him and I really want to make things right between us but every time I try to talk to him he winds up ignoring me or walking away. From: Tomato10945_

**It's seems you were. You said you've known each other since you were just children so you can probably use tip number 21 to your advantage and such. If that doesn't work then you can always go up to him and get on your knees and beg for forgiveness. Keep in mind this will make you look like an idiot in front of the student body but what's more important? Your reputation or you making peace with England, thus increasing you chances of getting him.**

_I was one of England's very few friends in his child hood and I still have a massive crush on him but when people started to tease him and such I didn't do anything, in fact I was one of the bullies that teased him. But when he finally stood up to me and the other bullies he started to hang out other countries and know I'm only seen has the childhood friend or bully. From: Frenchcooking_

**Yikes! You've really done it for yourself! Well as you know that males are more physical and woman being more emotional but in England's case…well you get the picture. You see how high school girls hug and kiss each other goodbye and for male's it the same thing but it's punching each other, know there are two ways they react 1) in pain 2) they punch you but harder. That's a male's way of saying 'I love you man' and him punching back is 'I love you too'. When you tried to court England with this method it didn't go down well. You could use the childhood friend thing but you could just confess to him.**

_I'm so awesome! The have awesome me and eyebrows and been allies since way back when and I was just so awesome. We had friends with benefits thing going on but when my awesome empire suddenly became unawesome. He was still my friend but over the time we just lost contact. So unawesome. I really want to be his friend again but I want to be more than friends. From: I AM AWEOME_

**You have a serious ego problem. Since you two have been friends since way back when and you said how he was still your friend even when your empire fell so why don't you just go up to him and start talking about the stuff you guys talked about when you were really close. If you want to be more than friends then you have to be patient and wait. Be England's friend and he will eventually let himself fall in love with you.**

_Hello. Well um England was the parent figure in my childhood and I always admired him but whenever I try to get him to pay attention to me he always say this "France what the hell are you doing" or "Go away America!" He always did say that I looked at lot like a certain Frenchmen or that I looked like my younger brother. I'm a little shy and I have no idea how you make a lover happy but I'm a nice guy but you know the saying 'nice guys finish last'. He and my brother dated for a while but it ended in tears and since I look a lot like him and when I try to comfort him on the day they broke up I always get slapped and yelled at. From: mapleleaf_

**Wow…you seem like such a nice man. I say you wear something that the second people see it they think of you. I'm sorry that you look like your younger brother and I'm very sorry that you always get the grief when you try to comfort him. If you become a jerk then I will personally hunt you down and slap some sense into you! Nice guys don't finish last with England, in fact, they come in first. If you really do want his attention then why don't you assert yourself, walk up to England, look him dead in the eyes and tell him how much you like him. Good luck maplefeaf! You have the newspaper clubs support!**

_Yo it's me. THE HERO. I really really like England but he always thinks of me as his little brother. I got sick of him babying me so I started the _**BEEEEEEEP **_war. I wanna be with him, I really do but he always just thinks of me as his little brother and you have no idea how angry that gets me. He's helped me so much and all I've done to help him was give him some money every know and then. He's helped me with war's and I've done nothing to help him. THE HERO_

**Ooooh looks like you've really screwed yourself over on this one. You see England is a very fragile person emotional and physically. He can dish it out but he sure can't take it. Like we said before things like this take time and what you did to England was quite nasty but you know the saying time heals all wounds but you could say you're sorry because words have both the power to destroy and heal.**

_Hello. I went through a very strong bully phase when I was a teenager and well I had tried to get England to join my little bully party but he said no. I eventually got caught for the bulling I was doing and I feel terrible about it. I like England a lot and I want us to be friends and maybe even more than that but I really want him to forget about what I did when I was a teenager and look at me like I'm an adult. Ilovewurstandporn_

**Oh you poor little thing. Well in your case you could try and court him the way you court a woman and such. Are advice is to accept your bully phase, know what you are and where it like armour so nobody can use it against you. We all have a dark past, that's just the way life goes.**

_Ni noa! I dated England for some time and we have one child but he left me because he didn't want to lead me on. England is the child's 'mother' beside popular belief and I was the father. I really miss him and I want us to go back to that time when we were in love but I guess even the sun sets in paradise. I have dated other people but I can't seem to get him out of my head I miss him. I pay child support. From: panadalover101_

**Oh how cruel one sided love can be. You are very lucky that you managed to marry and sleep with England keep that in mind. We all have felt England's love and England's wrath. I guess you have a bitter sweet victory, you slept with England, had a kid with him but then bitter thing is that you know what it really feels like to have him in your arms.**

_Hello. ^J^ England and myself have never been in a war against and the war we did fight together we never got to speak and we have no political ties but myself and my people see him as sort of a person you could never get. I have been to war with most of Europe but he seemed to be the one that got away. I always admired him from afar and I want him to become one with mother _**BEEP. **_From: motherrussia_

**Well you are lucky that you have never in a war against Britain. That's really good actually. You say that you have never been to war Britain but with most of Europe, don' you think its spicked England's concern that you fought most of his neiboures. You should try taking a less um…straight forward course of actions? **

YOU DID WHAT?

When I was a teenager and I was fighting him and we were shouting insults at each other. I was on top of him and I was looking into his eyes and before I knew it I had shouted at the top of my lungs "YOU HAVE BEAUITFUL EYES". From: Tomato10945

I was having a little fun with England and we were having a good time but it went to hell went his massive Scottish brother stormed into the room and I had to scale the fire escape in my boxers to get to my car with my head still on my body. From: Frenchcooking.

England I are had just gotten out of a battle and he was sleeping. So I looked around and started to lean in for a kiss but he kind of opened his eyes just when I was about to kiss him. We just stared at each other for hours. It was the most awkward hours of my life. From: I AM AWESOME

A while back I was talking to England and we were having a great talk. He made a comment that I was getting taller and I said "Yeah I'm much bigger then America" he looked at me with a blush and then he said he had some where to be. Only now I realize how wrong that sounded. From: mapleleaf

When I was a teenager before my bully phase my older brother invited England over. They were both eating wurst and I walked in to the dining room to see England eating wurst and it looked like he was…sucking something. Because I was a teenager I got really horny and before I knew it I had a boner and I had to literally run out the room before my brother or him saw my boner. From: Ilovewurstandporn.

I was talking to England and we were actually having a good chat and then I suggested he take a ride to Florida but it came out "Do you wanna ride Florida". He looked shocked at me for a second then he slapped me and won't talk to me. From: THE HERO

When England and I were married I use to call him Panda. So in the world meeting I asked him to hold my panda and when I got it back I said "Thanks for looking after my panda, panda" From:Ilovepandas101

Today at the world meeting I asked England if he would like to go to lunch to go lunch but it came out aas "Would you like to have a fuck?". Nothing can descrde how akward it was.


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